p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
foreskin is a definite game changer
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
