ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
