she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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