Just fell off a train. Bad.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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