I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
