OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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