I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
