She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
