We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
