Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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