your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
