I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
