Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
