i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
