yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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