I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
