I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
