Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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