The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
