she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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