ya dads aren't the best wingmen
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
