So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
