Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
