all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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