nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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