First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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