is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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