He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
