Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
