My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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