If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
