i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
