i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
