maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This is my gift to your gina
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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