Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
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