Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
