I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
