is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
