Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
