Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
