I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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