I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
