yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
