So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
