So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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