i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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