what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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