we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
