We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
