Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
