I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
