...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Randomize
