someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
